Why Cosmpolitan Magazine are morons.

Ok, first of all let me preface this entire article with the following two caveats to that title. Firstly, I don’t read Cosmopolitan regularly, however – I found a copy of it lying around today and I thought I’d have a look at it. It’s amazing what being at a loose end will do to you isn’t it? The second point is this – I don’t want people to read this title and think that I’m being a typical lad who says that all women’s magazines are lowest-common denominator trash with no imagination or depth that simply adhere to tired old stereotypes, while heading off to “read” the latest issue of Nuts. I don’t care much for women’s magazines per se, but I don’t have anything particularly against them either – partly because it would be stunningly hypocritical of me.

BUT – having flicked through this issue of Cosmo, I feel that the one article I did bother to read deserves a blog which properly exposes just how ashamed of themselves the writers and editors ought to be. Not only because I think it’s ludicrous, but because I actually feel that, much like the Sex and the City girls, they are doing far more harm than good to the image of women that they are trying so hard to project.

The article is called “46 Kick-Ass Women Who Have Changed YOUR Life.” Ok, that’s catchy enough, “although how could they have changed MY life?” I hear you cry. Well, they explain that...at the start of the article they say “Gutsy, inspiring women come in all ages, shapes and sizes. So, love them or loathe them, Cosmo celebrates these extraordinary women who’ve all influenced the way we think today.”

Fair enough – a cursory glance at the opening page shows that Michelle Obama, Madonna, Germaine Greer and Annie Liebowitz are all there, and I think they are fair shouts, Oprah Winfrey, Judi Dench, Rebecca Adlington and the Queen stare out from the page opposite, and fair enough there too. So, it’s all going well so far. And each person has a little bit of blurb underneath their name. Par example...

"Entrepreneur Michelle Mone, 37, has won several business awards since launching underwear brand Ultimo in 1996, aged 25. Her firm MUM is now worth over £45m. Not bad for someone who left school at 15 with no qualifications."

Good call. Here is a woman who is basically a self-made millionaire, breaking glass ceilings etc etc, blah blah, and has done really well for herself and I think she is a pretty good example for young women.

So, we have Aung San Suu Kyi, the Prime Minister of Burma, Angelina Jolie – nominated for her humanitarian efforts, Oprah for obvious reasons, Shami Chakrabarti, Kelly Holmes, Hilary Clinton, Queen Ramia of Jordan, and Clara Furse to name but a few. There are also women who were “the first woman to...” for example be prime minister, run a TV station, run MI5, chair the G8, edit the Sun (a dubious honour but I see the point) etc etc.

Good. I’m just a teacher from Leeds, so I’m well aware that my opinion is completely worthless, but nevertheless, I think it’s good that these women are being held up as good examples. Oh, but hold on...what’s this? Some of the other names on the list? But Paul, I thought you said this threatened to be a good article?

Well, it looks like it might be...but then Cosmo pull out the ace up their sleeve, which turns out to be the fact that certain entries read as though they were in fact put together by a bunch of giggly, stupid little girls who like shoes, chocolate, wine and “like” football because it’s “cute guys in shorts”. Uh-oh, STEREOTYPE ALERT! And why have I fallen back on this most tired and boring of generalisations? Well...

Michelle Obama – “Have you seen those toned biceps? We salute you!”
Nothing needs saying about this. She’s a Harvard educated lawyer and first lady of the US, not to mention a mother of two. But hey, well done on the biceps. Good arms will always surely outweigh how hard you worked and how far you've come. Well done Michelle!

Jennifer Aniston – “Since the end of her marriage to Brad, she’s encouraged an army of single women by keeping it real.”

Now hold on a second, but am I the only one who realises that “keeping it real” isn’t actually a thing? It’s perhaps the most vague and pointless thing to say about anyone. Fine, hold her up as an example to young women if you want, but for crying out loud, give her more credit than to invent an imaginary thing that she’s done.

Sarah Jessica Parker. Now, let me just interject here to say that there’s nothing they could say about "SJP" that would convince me that she was worth a place on this list, but let’s see what they can come up with...“Her outfits sparked 1,000 imitations and got us all drinking Cosmopolitans.”

I don’t know what that sound is, but I think – I think – it might just be Emmeline Pankhurst spinning at a rate of knots in her grave. Literally, she’s churning that ground right up. Oh, but wait...the worst is yet to come.

“Model of the moment Agyness Deyn, 26, is known for her super-cool style – and for bringing bleached white hair to the masses.”

Honestly, I didn’t just make that up. That's the whole entry. According to Cosmopolitan, ladies, Agyness Deyn has changed YOUR life by wearing things and having white hair. Now, I’ve got nothing against her personally, of course – she does what she does and good on her for it, but for CRYING OUT LOUD!!

I don’t mean or want to wade in on issues on which I am not fully versed, but at the same time what kind of indictment of women is it that Cosmopolitan put a list like this together and then go on to publish it for (presumably) intelligent, educated women to read? This the same magazine that has, every month, someone or other whinging on about just how terrible men are and how we’re all the same and how we treat women like idiots and complain that they’re one-dimensional shoe-shopping airheads. Good job you don’t practice mind-blowing hypocrisy and stereotype adherence in your magazine, eh?

I’d be particularly interested to know what women thought of this article, and whether or not I’m just being a bit of a man about it, because after all, men’s magazines tend to have lists like this that are pretty superficial, but I can’t honestly imagine Robert Pattinson being listed as a man who has changed my life merely because he played a vampire and has long hair that’s also short somehow.

Any thoughts would be welcome. A motto that perhaps the editors of Cosmo should have applied to that article.